Chrysalis 2009

Friday 10th July 2009- I woke up feeling sick because I was just so nervous and anxious about the whole weekend, I did already know alot about Chrysalis but I was still so worried about the new and daunting environment and community of strangers I was about to enter into. We ended up getting there late which only increased my nerves as I felt like we were already standing out and were somewhat 'outsiders' now. Now I realise how silly those feelings were, although at the start I felt so nervous I quickly realised how amazing this experience actually was.
We were then put into table/cabin groups and had to come up with a name... We were the Sasquatch Beaters and included Sophie, Shenae, Jo and Myself with leaders June and Elyce, who soon became some really great friends of mine.

There is so much more I would love to share about these three days and what went on, but I don't want to ruin it for anyone else that hasn't been and was planning on going. SO if you want to hear in detail the amazing events...email me :)

Some things I learnt:
1. This weekend was a chance to see God's true unconditional love and realise that he made each of us, me included, unrepeatable and for a specific purpose. There is nothing we can do or say or not do or not say that can seperate us from Gods love, because unlike humans God loves us with no if's, but's or because of's...he just loves us, and so much that he sent his one and only son to earth to die on the cross for US, to take our sins and give us eternal life. This was something I had never truly accepted, i knew it in my head, i knew it all... i had just never accepted that he loves me aswell. I battled with an argument of: But i have not done anything, i am not talented, I am not beautiful, I am not smart, I am the exception in this statement. But no, this weekend God's unconditional love was shown to me... and i realised that no matter what i have done or not done God still loves me so much, and even if i don't want it I can never stop God loving me.
There was one person in particular at this camp that helped me break down walls and accept Gods love, she continuously told me how much God loved me and just held me(God knew what I needed at that time and empowered her to be the one to show me and bless me so much). one particular instance that i will never forget as long as I live was one night after hours of crying I was sitting at the table in my cabin writing and trying to figure out WHY... WHY god loves me WHY me? and what do i have to do to be able to accept this love. She came in and just hugged me and held me and then took me into the chapel and sat me at the foot of the cross... This moment changed me, it was a realisation... "What more proof do you want? Jesus died on the cross for you."
This helped me to change my focus, and realise that I am not good enough but its only by God's grace. This life is not about me, it doesn't matter if I am not good enough or can't do certain things God still loves me so so much. You may be reading this and thinking that the moment wasn't all that special, but no one will ever understand how much it has changed me, and how much of a loving act that was.

2. I may be chosen for single life and that is not a burden but something God wants me to use to strengthen others and worship him. Yet i may also be called to married life, and the singleness right now is a gift from God as a time to push into him and find our true identity in him and to have our feet planted firmly so when storms of life come we are not shaken in our beliefs or relationship with God.

3. The power of prayer, Okay so i know my last post is titled this...but WOW! I have never felt prayer like this ever before. I feel as though i am now talking to someone rather than to a wall and it is the most powerful tool. STORY: I was at home on monday night... and my home is not much of a home at night times, so I decided that i had to get away, because although i have grown so much in Christ I did not want that to be shattered in one night, so i decided I'd leave, go and pray and build up my relationship and trust in God before i could face the problem head on...(i believe this was not a cowardly act, no matter what anyone says, I just know how easily things can be turned around and how easy i get hurt so this was the smartest option) I had no idea where I was going... this was no joke I prayed and asked God to take me somewhere (i had been driving for 10 minutes now), somewhere safe and somewhere that would be an encourageing environment, alone or with others, anywhere, I asked him to show me... no more than two seconds after I finished praying, my phone rang... Hayley was on the other end and she asked me if I wanted to come over... I hadn't told her about me even leaving my house or anything.... I was blown away, God is amazing.

People on this camp helped me to grow, both new and old friends, and i know that God put them in my life for a reason, there is no doubting that and I hope that God can or has used me in others lives to help them even in the smallest way.

Although Chrysalis was the most amazing experience, it brought out so many things that I thought i had let go of, so many things i didnt even know affected me that much, but had been holding me back so much from being everything God wants me to be and falling into his arms...this is not meant to be a negative comment... it is good, because in dealing with these issues one by one i am getting closer to being the woman God wants me to be. Going on a camp is one of the best things in the world... to take time out of your busy life and to be filled with such a joy and happiness... one thing i realised when i got home was that the world did not change with me when I was on camp, in fact nothing did except me... and generally this is something that gets me down but this time i chose to accept that this camp was a seed sown in me...it was just the start, and that life is not going to be ever joyful, the christian way is hard... but it is so worth it, no matter the circumstances, issues, problems, people and hurt...I will be a follower of Christ in everything I do.